Category: Let's talk
Okay, so my roommate has cerebral palsy. No, she's not in a wheelchair or on crutches, and neither does she have a learning disability or distorted speech. However, she does walk differently; when she steps with one foot she drags the other. As you might imagine, this means that she's more prone to falling.
Anyway, she was telling me about something that made her mad in her English class earlier today. In that class, she sits next to a girl that has something wrong with her hips. The teacher said to my roommate: "Oh, it's cool that you guys are sitting together since she has the hip thing, and you have the ... ya know." She told me some other stories about when people said things to her before speaking and when people offered to help her up when she didn't need it. I told her that I understand her completely and tried to explain that people who don't have disabilities or impairments can't imagine what it's like, so assume we need help or that we are a certain way. She was immediately offended, saying; "I don't have an impairment; I just walk differently. I might fall sometimes, but everybody falls." And I apologized and said: "Okay, a condition then." And she responded: "Everyone has a condition. Acne's a condition. Being overweight or underweight is a condition."
I was just trying to make her feel a bit better by letting her know that I understood what she was going through, but maybe that is not what she wants? Perhaps it's just better to sit and listen to her vent because she was offended by any term I used. In my opinion, her ability to walk is impaired. Am I wrong? Or is she in some sort of denial? Does it seem that she has not fully accepted or come to terms with having CP, although she' had it all her life?
I'd say she is too senssitive and hung up on labels. None of us like labels, but sometimes it's hard to find the right word to use, and she needs to adjust to that and accept your comments in the spirit in which they were intended.
Hi. My brother actually has the same kind of CP you're talking about that your roommate has, and he feels the same way about hating to be classified as having a disability. I haven't been around him when this has happened, but he's mentioned having been teased a lot by schoolmates for the way he walks. He and my youngest brother would also sometimes fight, and would both use hurtful insults to put each other down, including youngest brother sometimes calling him a criple. He's also been upset that he feels like his CP is preventing him from being a police officer because he can't run as fast and can be easier to knock down, which was something he really wanted to do. I would say, that maybe you should just listen to her vent and not sure how you can comfort her or give her advice without bringing up her disability since that's actually part of what she's talking about, but maybe if you put it as a thing that anyone can be picked on or whatever because of a difference wether or not they have a disability and try to relate to her like that, she wouldn't mind and hopefully wouldn't be offended.
coming from someone who has that degree of CP, I figured I'd give my two cents for whatever it's worth. to be blunt here, it doesn't sound like your roommate has accepted her additional disability. in my mind, if she had, she wouldn't get so offended at things people say. personally, I don't make it an issue; I refuse to let it stop me, no matter what the case may be. sure there are things I have to do differently sometimes, but that's life. you deal positively with what you're dealt, or you don't; either way, it's your choice.
hope that helps; if I can answer anything else, please let me know.
Yeah, she doesn't like the fact that she has a condition and even us as blind people feel that way or parents of blind people...my mom doesn't look at me as I have a disability, but this is my life and no matter how she feels I've learn to except what's wrong with me.
Agreed with Becky. Sounds like she's getting way too hung up on the words you're using. I'd also say she's in major denial. I remember when one of my friends was in the process of losing her vision. For the longest time, she refused to say blind, or even visually impaired. She insisted that she just didn't see as well as everyone else. She worked through it after awhile, and once she accepted her blindness, was willing to call it for what it is. Maybe this will happen with your roommate, maybe not. No one can force her to accept that she does indeed have a disability. So, you may be right, that the best thing to do for now is just listen and let her vent as she needs to.
That sounds like the best solution because she was very defensive as you can see above, trying to play it off a though she has no more issues than anyone else. And After she spewed her bullshit, I just said nothing because I can tell she's the type who believes what she does, no matter what someone says.
Words are like turds, always someone unhappy with the outcome, except he or she who's lettin' 'em loose.
Well as to the falling thing: I'm blind but I'm also a citizen. If I heard someone take a tumble I would consider it my duty to at least approach and ask if they needed help. I know the last time I fell I was cleaning our back porch / steps with a hose. Then like a numbnuts I came down the stairs fast in bare feet to check the ribs on the grill. Slippery cement freshly sprayed, bare feet, you get it.
Anyway I fell / got right up but was hurtin' in a couple places I didn't even know existed for a couple of days.
so yes, if someone fell, I would see it as my duty to ask if they needed help. And I'd probably hang nearby till she or he was off the ground and on the feet again. That's not a CP or disabled thing: anyone can take a tumble for any number of reasons.
Lol to post 8, that made me laugh hard. I tend to agree with those who have said this person is too sensitive about labels. On one hand, I can see how if you had said any of this in a condescending tone, she might have taken offense to it because nobody wants a label stuck on them if the person is obviously scribbling negative connotations on it. She might also want to be a free spirit, not associated with anything, and that's ok too. But you were just trying to help, and she shouldn't have gotten an attitude with you about it. She should know that you're her friend, and wouldn't put her down intentionally.
When I was in high school, there was a student who had this same opinion on labels. The braille teacher tried to say blind, and the person got upset, so she said visually impaired, and she still got upset. After about two weeks, the teacher finally just said, "Get over yourself, your blind, deal with it". It may be harsh, but I think the same approach can work with this person.
Guess what, the world sucks, the world is hard, and it is unforgiving. Very few people are going to care if your feelings are hurt by their choice of words. Being here at college four days alone, I've already realized that so many people have so many different things that they think might offend you, and sometimes you just have to get used to it. You can't go around getting offended at every little thing that is said, just because you don't like how they said it.
I say you tell your roommate to get over herself and stop living her life as if she were in kindergarden. This is the real world and your in college, its time to stop being a child.
She sounds a bit like my x girlfriend Chelsey. Granted Chelsey doesn't actually get uptight about what words you use to describe her disabilities (she's partially sighted and has CP), she's more of the type to make excuses for not doing something because her disabilities work against each other. And maybe to some extent blindness and CP together would confound each other but I wonder how much of it is Chelsey's general lack of a desire to do anything with her life.
The impaired woman with a condition seems to be insecure and overly sensitive.
Well Chelsey's definitely that. Of course it's not her conditions aren't what she's most sensitive about, unless you count the fact that she won't date anyone without a disability. I think that's the main reason she wants me back even after ten years, because I'm in her comfort zone. But she's one of the most naive people I've ever known.
The way I see it, it's your choice if you're offended. As much as you have a right to be offended, you also have a right not to be offended, so unless you were spewing words without any thought, or unless you were intentionally trying to offend her, which I'm sure you weren't, don't beat yourself up for it. At the end of the day, it's her loss if she chooses to be offended by your choice of words.
Sounds like your roommate is in some serious denial. No matter how capable, walking with one foot dragging is a condition, impairment or any other word you want to use. Just cause she refuses to believe that her condition impairs her doesn't mean she actually has one. You did your best to not offend her, and if she was, then, sorry but that's her problem. What term does she expect you to use?
I have two friends that have cerebral palsy and one of them is blind. They don't let things bother them or stop them.
Your room mate is going to have to get over it.
Don't feel bad. The woman is clearly an idiot. If she doesn't recognise that cerebral palsy is officially a disability and that, while it doesn't stop her from living her life, she does have an impairment, perhaps she should have her brain examined... The fact that she jumped all over you when you were sympathising as someone who experienced something similar shows that she is rude. If she didn't want to discuss it then she shouldn't have brought it up. GemiMoonTwinkleStar, glad that you were able to make sense of it. I could understand someone not wanting to talk but then don't put another person in a position where your disability will be addressed. As for your brother, I could completely understand how he feels as far as his disability holding him back. I want to get into the food business and it's almost impossible because I'm totally blind. I also want to join the Hellenic military in some capacity but can't because I'm not a Greek citizen, and yes, because I'm blind. I'd say make sure to avoid the topic until she's willing to accept it for what it is, or at the very least, to act in a civil manner. Interesting view, LeoGuardian. I can't say that I'd consider it my duty to help anyone who fell, but I would want to do so just to help a fellow human being. But if he/she was totally disrespectful or didn't wish to be helped, I'd leave him/her alone. I don't need to be treated like crap for doing something nice.